Am I Dreaming?
by cloudyWingless
Summary: (TUMBLR PROMPT) Person A visits person B (who is seriously ill/dying) in hospital and leans over there lap to give them a hug and is facing away from person B. They have a long conversation ending in "I love you" and after a moment without a reply person A looks up and realized Person B died while they were talking. (Yet there is a twist to the whole thing because I am weak)


**Ryker: Jude and Connor are supposed to be 19 years old in this btw**

I walked into the hospital with my head held high even though I wanted to crawl under a rock and cry until there was no more water left in me. I knew I had to be strong for him; it just hurts to see him laying in a hospital bed wearing an old beige hospital gown and a blue beanie that I bought for him. The splash of blue was the only color to light up the cold and depressing room that I've come to loathe.

Some nights, I lay awake in bed and just pretend that he is there with me. I wrap my blankets around me tight and imagine it's his arms. It's been one year since I last slept in the same bed as him. I was forced to see a therapist since I eventually could not even manage to get out of bed.

I've decided to keep myself busy by participating in walks to find a cure to cancer and raising money to find a cure. I only want him to get better since the cancer came back and went into his bloodstream.

I walked into the room and saw him attached to no more wires. He looked paler than yesterday, yet his smile was still so radiant. He motioned for me to lay next to him in his uncomfortable hospital bed. I dragged my feet to the side of the bed and then proceeded to curl up next to him. His body heat wasn't warm anymore, he felt like tissue paper under me.

"Jude," he started, "I'm not getting any better-"

"You are," I cut him off, "You'll come home to me soon."

"No, listen," he tilted my chin up to I could stare into his pretty brown eyes, "They've done everything and I'm sick of being poked with needles everyday. I'm miserable."

I tried to pull away from him so I could bury my face in his chest to hide my tears, but his hold on me was too strong and I let my tears roll down my cheeks. He craned his neck to kiss me gently on my lips.

"I want you to go on and find someone else," he said.

"No, never," I choked on a sob that crept up my throat, "You are my one and only. Please baby, don't leave me."

"I'm sorry Jude," he ran his fingers through my brown hair.

"Connor please," I whispered, "Please, I need you."

Connor kissed my forehead and moved me so I was on his chest. He always loved to hold me.

"You're so warm," he smiled, "Jude Adams-Foster, I love you with all my heart. I'm never gone, I'll always be here." He placed his hat on my head and revealed his fuzzy blonde hair.

"I love you too Connor, I love you, I love you, I love you," I cried.

"Hey, no tears," he made me look at him and he had a huge smile, "If you love me, you'll smile."

I felt his fingers dig into my sides causing me to squeak as my lips curled into a smile. He always knew how to make me smile.

"There," he laid back down, "I love your smile, I love you."

"I love you too, Connor," I said.

After a few moments, there was nothing. I heard nothing from him. I thought he had fallen asleep, but something was weird. He had stopped moving entirely, and stopped breathing.

"Oh God no," I whispered as I crawled up his chest to face him, "No, no, no, come back. Please come back."

I felt as if a rusty knife had jabbed me in the heart multiple times to let sorrow and agony settle within my very core. I pressed a button to call for a nurse and I hopped off of Connor. Within seconds, the nurse and doctor was there and they asked me to leave the room. I sat in the waiting room and anxiously picked at the loose strings of Connor's old shirt that he left me. I wear his clothes everyday and I usually spray his cologne on it too.

After what felt like an eternity of waiting, Connor's father and mother ran into the hospital. I looked at them with tears staining my cheeks. The two sat on either side of me and looked away from each other. They had gotten a divorce when Connor and I were 12 years old. It's been seven years since then and they still can't sit in the same room together. Except now….

A nurse called for his parents and I stood to go with them.

"Are you his brother?" she asked.

"I'm his boyfriend," I felt my heart racing.

She glared at me with disgust, but I didn't care. I simply turned around and went back to my seat. I pulled my feet up on the chair so my knees were against my chest.

I remembered when Connor kissed me in my room that beautiful spring afternoon. We were thirteen years old and he had been giving me mixed signals. I remember he was trying to get me to smile by lightly hitting my foot, but I kicked him in the stomach. He doubled over in pain and I apologize. I told him that I didn't get this and what he was doing and he kissed me. It felt like a thousand fireworks went off before my eyes as electricity coursed through my veins.

I remember when we were sixteen and Connor was diagnosed with cancer. I was terrified but he told me that he will be okay. I went to many hospital visits with him, but I still wince at the sight of him with a giant needle in his chest.

I remember when Connor and I had sex for the first time. He was all 'cured' from the cancer and we were alone at his house. We had started a heavy make-out session and before I knew it, I was only in my underwear and Connor was shirtless. His big hands were running all over my body and slipped under the elastic of my boxers. He pulled a condom out of his back pocket and smiled at me. I knew I was ready for him. I wanted him.

Now, I sit and remember these amazing moments and I can't hold in my emotions anymore. I let out a loud sob and hide my face in my knees until Connor's father put a hand on my shoulder.

"Jude," he said, "I'm sorry kiddo."

"No," I whispered, I knew what he was going to say, "No he's not dead."

"I'm sorry," his mother knelt before me, "Are you alright? You can stay with us for the night if you'd like. I'm sure Adam doesn't mind, right?" She looked over at her ex husband and he smiled. I guess they were going to spend the night together and comfort each other.

"I want to go home," I shook violently, "I want to go home to him, in his arms. I want him back. He promised he wouldn't leave me."

Adam suddenly pulled me into his arms to calm me down. He told his ex wife to call my moms. He continued to rub my back to try and soothe me as violent sobs emitted from me.

The hospital isn't that far from my house, so within twenty minutes, my entire family was in the empty waiting room.

Mama took me from Adam and tried to calm me down, but I couldn't. I continued to mumble for Connor, but he would never be able to answer my calls.

"Sweetie, Connor wants you to live on, he loved you dearly and he wants the best for you, live on for him," Mama said. Callie knelt down next to us which turned into a swarm of my family around me.

That night, Jesus told me that if I need anything, he was there. Yet in the middle of the night, he got up and crawled into my bed to hold me since he could still hear my soft cries.

Then as I closed my eyes, my prayers were almost answered as I jolted awake to find that it was all just a nightmare. I saw Connor sleep next to me, his hair was still growing back, but he was awake and stared at me with concern.

"Are you okay?" he asked, "Why are you crying?"

"I had a nightmare about your cancer coming back and you died and I-I," I couldn't finish my sentence and I collapsed in his arms.

"Baby, I'm not going anywhere," he smiled.

"It was so real," I whispered as I traced the scars on his bare chest, "I thought I had lost you."

Connor simply chuckled at me and kissed my head.

"I love you," he said, "Now relax silly, today is the first day of summer, we have nothing to do all day except lay in bed or maybe a little more in bed."

I felt his hand travel under the sheets and hover over my center.

"Hey," I laughed, "I just woke up from a nightmare, i expect pancakes from you sir!"

I rolled on top of Connor and kissed his lips just to make sure this was real. Everything felt so real, he was so warm and comforting.

"I love you too," I whispered in his ear, "Now, pancakes."

"Yes, yes, anything for you, my King," Connor rolled out of bed with me trailing behind him. His house was empty since his dad left for a few months on a business trip.

Thank God that was all a dream. I don't think I could handle it if he died. I love him.

 **Ryker: I'M A WEAK SOUL! i COULDN'T KILL CONNOR! It's an issue, I just love Jonnor so much that I could split them up forever. AH they are my babies, I love them so much.**

 **If you didn't get it, it was all a dream since Connor did have cancer and Jude got scared that it would come back and Connor would die. HAHAHA never again will I do this.**


End file.
